Showing Up for Kids With a Parent Inside
Working in public service gives you a direct line to your community that is both distant and personal. At the library, you come to know your regulars. You learn what they're looking for on the shelves and which programs get them excited. You also learn to notice the programs someone is timid to be seen attending, even as they make it clear they need to be there.
I love my job because it lets me combine whimsy and need. A good library shows up for its patrons in a way that quietly says: we are here for you.
That is what drives Bridges to Transformation. Brandon and I want B2T to be that quiet place to find resources and community. Because that's what we are: a community. Disjointed, but here. So let's come together and show up for each other.
Advocacy is part of that, and it is imperative even when it is exhausting. But we also want B2T to meet you where you are in this life, with practical resources and tips as you navigate the complexities of being justice impacted. This post is one of those.
October Is See Us, Support Us Month
Every October, the Osborne Association leads See Us, Support Us, a national campaign to raise awareness of and support for children who have a parent in prison or jail. Here in North Carolina, Our Children's Place of Coastal Horizons carries that work statewide. NC Child has put the number of North Carolina children with a parent in prison at almost 17,000, with many more who have a parent in jail or returning home.
These kids are in our classrooms, our story times, and our neighborhoods. Most of them are carrying this quietly. Here are five ways to show up for them.
Five Ways to Show Up
1. Tell the truth, in words that fit their age. Children fill silence with their own explanations, and they often blame themselves. A short, honest answer does more good than a cover story they will see through later. Sesame Workshop's free incarceration resources for young children give you language to start with, in English and Spanish.
2. Say the two things they most need to hear. This is not your fault. And you are allowed to still love your mom or dad. Say both more than once.
3. Keep their parent present between visits. Letters, drawings, and a phone call at a regular time all count. Some families read the same book a chapter at a time and talk about it on the next call. If a visit is possible, every child needs their own visitor application, and it helps to walk them through what the day will look like before you go. Our Visitation Checklist covers the steps.
4. Tell one adult at school. A teacher or counselor who knows can meet a hard day with patience instead of discipline. See Us, Support Us has resources written for educators that you can hand them.
5. Don't carry it by yourself. Our Children's Place serves families in all 100 North Carolina counties. If you don't know where to begin, dial 211. You'll find more on our Resources for Families page.
From a Librarian: Books That Help
Sometimes a book can say what a grown-up can't find the words for. Ask for these at your public library. If your branch doesn't have one, staff can usually request it from another branch, and you never have to explain why you want it.
Visiting Day by Jacqueline Woodson, illustrated by James E. Ransome. A girl and her grandmother get ready for the day they visit her father.
Far Apart, Close in Heart by Becky Birtha, illustrated by Maja Kastelic. Names the many feelings children have when a parent is incarcerated, across many kinds of families.
Missing Daddy by Mariame Kaba, illustrated by bria royal. A girl talks about missing her father and the people who help her through it.
Milo Imagines the World by Matt de la Peña, illustrated by Christian Robinson. A boy on a long subway ride imagines the lives of strangers on his way to visit his mother.
Knock Knock: My Dad's Dream for Me by Daniel Beaty, illustrated by Bryan Collier. A boy grows up with the words his absent father leaves him.
From the Desk of Zoe Washington by Janae Marks. A novel for older kids about a girl who starts writing to her incarcerated father.
Read any of these yourself first, so you know which one fits your child and your family.
We're Here
You don't need to do all five. Pick one this week.
If you're a neighbor, a teacher, a coach, or the person at the front desk, you have a part in this too. Notice. Be kind. Don't make a child explain.
Then tell someone. Whatever you choose, share it on social media this month and tag us: @b2ttransform on X, Instagram, and Pinterest, or Bridges to Transformation on Facebook. Add #SeeUsSupportUs so others can find it. Maybe you checked out one of these books, sent the educator resources to a teacher, or wrote a letter with a child. Your post might be the nudge someone else needs. Share what you did, not a child's name or story. That part is theirs to tell.
B2T is a small community and a scattered one, but it is here. If a resource made a difference for your family, tell us about it and we'll share it.
— Kay